5 συμβουλές σχέσεων από τον πιο δημοφιλή λογαριασμό σχέσεων στο instagram!

22:03 5/3/2020 - Πηγή: Fays Book

Στο instagram πλέον μπορείς να βρεις τα πάντα…Μπορείς να πάρεις έμπνευση για ένα συνολάκι που θα φορέσεις, μπορείς να μάθεις πώςθα συμπεριφερθεί ο αγαπημένος σου βάσει ζωδίου αλλά και συμβουλές σχέσης για να είσαι για πάντα ευτυχισμένη! Έψαξα και βρήκα έναν από τους πιο δημοφιλείς λογαριασμούς σχέσεων και παρακάτω θα δεις 5 συμβουλές που μας δίνει…

#1. Δεν μπορείς να αλλάξεις κάποιον άλλον. Μπορείς να αλλάξεις το είδος της σχέσης που έχεις μαζί του.

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I’ve been there before too, many times. Wishing, hoping, pleading, and negotiating for another to change. To change the way they think about things, act, treat us, or look at how things happened in the past, and so forth. You can’t change another person, only they can do that. You can’t choose it for them, they must claim it for themselves, or not. The work, I’ve found, is in being able to change the way we relate to a person who is stuck, blocked, or resistant. What does clinging to the need for them to change do? What does surrendering do? What if we let go of the need for them to see it through our lens? What if we accepted that things would not change? Then what? What happens when we let go? Accept? Surrender? How does relating to another shift when the above is embodied? I encourage you to explore this and see if shifting the way you relate to another not changing brings any peace forward for you? Peace does not mean free of emotion. Peace may indeed still hold sadness and disappointment for what won’t be, but also freedom to choose what we allow to take up room in our internal world. If I accept that I cannot change you, what happens next? The possibilities are many, but what I’ll leave you with here is this: Change happens. When you accept that you cannot change another what happens is something changes. It may not be the story you wrote up for change, but a story of change nonetheless. #mindfulmft _____ Upcoming: 3/12- FREE NYC Mindful Talks community event with the lovely @nitikachopra – we’re chatting chronic illness/pain, living with it, navigating it, relationships and more! 3/19: WASHINGTON, DC event! Early bird tickets to a night with @createthelove and me. We’ll be jamming on relationships. 4/3-4/6: Spring Retreat (one spot left for a man) Well be releasing our next few retreats soon! Stay tuned. 4/9: April Mindful Talks event. Secret guest speaker – join the newsletter to be the first to find out. 4/18: NYC workshop at @theclass. Workout led by @jayceegossett and workshop immediately following. LINK IN BIO FOR ALL.

A post shared by Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft) on Mar 3, 2020 at 7:07pm PST

#2.Πρέπει να μάθεις να σέβεσαι τις εμπειρίες του αγαπημένου σου όπως και εκείνος πρέπει να σέβεται τις δικές σου.

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These are a few of my top favorite and most important relationships commitments and goals. 1. Healthy relationships have a sense of trust and understanding that the participants believe and know that their experience AND the other person’s experience are just as important. It’s not a competition although of course there are times when listening to one’s experience is the priority. The overall takeaway? You matter as much as I matter, and I matter as much as you do. 2. We need a deep sense of trust that whatever is happening in our internal experiences is something that we can share with the other person. No, you don’t have to tell them EVERYTHING, ALWAYS, but you do want to trust and know that’s it’s safe that whatever it is that’s going on inside can be brought forward to that person ( and that you can do the same for them. The overall takeaway? I want to know what’s going on in your inner world and I will keep it safe. And you can know what’s going on in mine and I trust you will keep it safe too. 3. Relationships are hard sometimes. Like really really hard. And when we’re in a threat response with one another, we very quickly move out of let’s protect the WE into let’s protect ME. We go to war with the person across from us and are often willing to go to great lengths to protect the self. This last one isn’t really about never getting to this place (it likely will happen), but rather about the recovery, repair, and journey back to honoring and protecting the system. The overall takeaway? I know it will be hard, I know we will rip at the relationship sometimes, AND I promise to work my way back to us and make sure our relationship grows from what just happened. _____ What commitments are most important to you? What would you add? #mindfulmft

A post shared by Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft) on Feb 24, 2020 at 5:27pm PST

#3. Το να συμφωνήσετε πως δεν πρέπει να μαλώνετε δεν θα κάνει καλό στη σχέση σας. Ειδικά σε ό,τι αφορά τις σοβαρές διαφωνίες που πιθανόν να έχετε.

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I’m not talking about one offs, I’m talking about agreements (spoken or not) where couples avoid disagreements or conflict of any kind to keep the peace and likely avoid the things that are coded as stressful or threatening. Agreeing to never disagree is one of the ways that a couple can maintain pseudo-intimacy. It’s a tricky one, for sure, because on the surface it looks and feels quite lovely. But avoiding it blocks us from intimacy. It blocks us from leaning in and understanding more about the self and more about the other. Never disagreeing can block growth, expansion, and a deep sense of connection that comes on the other side of navigating confronting things. Hang with me here. Sometimes we do this because conflict is coded as dangerous, scary, or not worth it. Maybe we grew up in a family system where members were high conflict without any resolution. Maybe a parent or sibling was abusive. Maybe what happened during and after conflict is something we just decided we need to avoid. Keeping the peace is healthier, simpler, and safer. And so I get it. AND, here’s the invitation to look a bit closer. Is never disagreeing blocking you from conversations? Does it keep you from bringing things forward? Does it keep you from honoring something within that needs to be said? Does it block something for your partner? Does it block you from connecting with your emotion? Feeling your feelings deeply? Remember, intimacy is not just with others. Intimacy is about going inner most with the self. Agreeing to never disagree with yourself is a way of blocking intimacy with the self too. Never disagreeing with your own belief systems – Never disagreeing with your programming and conditioning – Never disagreeing with your narratives. It all blocks us from going further. So please look at the ways you might be blocking intimacy that may actually present as “nice” or “healthy” on the surface. Just always keep gentleness and compassion front and center. We block as ways of protecting. So uncovering these parts needs love, patience, and understanding. #mindfulmft

A post shared by Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft) on Feb 16, 2020 at 5:43pm PST

#4. Το να είσαι καλός σύντροφος δεν αφορά μόνο το τι κάνεις για αυτόν αλλά και το τι επιτρέπεις στον αγαπημένο σου να κάνει για σένα.

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This is for all of the “I’m such a great partner” folks out there who are SO good at giving to others but forget that receiving is the other part of the equation; that receiving requires the same amount of vulnerability as giving, and that being a great listener doesn’t excuse you from having to share. You see, we have all of this beautiful love to give. We just gift it away and show up for others so well, but when it comes to allowing people to show up for us, we often struggle. Being a great partner isn't just about what we do for our partners. It's also about what we do to create a space, a role, for them so that they can have purpose in our lives as well. Being a great partner demands that we allow our partners to be there for us…to show up and to lead at times. It demands that we ask for our needs to get met, and that we communicate them clearly. Great partnership goes both ways. Don't get stuck thinking you're a great partner because of how much you give. Remember that you have to find ways to receive as well, otherwise our partners don't have a chance of giving us their beautiful love. It is not for you to take that away from them. If this feels difficult for you to do, consider the narratives that are keeping you stuck. What are the messages you received around receiving love, or being able to ask for things? Were you always the giver in your family? Was that your role? Were you allowed to have needs? Did you have to find your own way? Was it hard to trust others? Is there an independence that you cling to? What happened when one parent gave you love — was that a threat to the other parent (as if you were taking their partners love away from them?). Did you see that a sibling needed more love and so you shrank yourself to create more space for them? Lean into your curiosity. You are not just a giver. Sit with that. See what comes up for you. And let me know what comes up in the comments below. Where are your blocks? Where have you struggled? #mindfulmft _______ 2/15: 3 spots left for the one day couples workshop in nyc. 2/24: nyc workshop with @theclass – workout + workshop led by me. 4/3-4/6: Spring Immersion Retreat. Link in bio.

A post shared by Vienna Pharaon (@mindfulmft) on Feb 4, 2020 at 5:21pm PST

#5. Σε μια υγιή σχέση δεν θα σου «ζητήσουν» να προδώσεις τον εαυτό σου προκειμένου να παραμείνετε μαζί και αγαπημένοι.

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Many of us learned to betray ourselves from a very early age. We traded authenticity in for attachment, connection, and love. We became who we thought others needed in order to keep the peace and get something in return. Many of us saw and experienced codependency, manipulation, abuse, and triangulation, and then had to learn how to navigate it in order to survive. That is not a pattern we must keep as adults. We do not need to betray ourselves in order to keep love and connection, and yet so many of us find ourselves in dynamics that ask just that. A healthy dynamic will not ask you to betray yourself for authentic love. There may be conversations that require sacrifice or compromise, but not betrayal. You never have to lose yourself to gain another. Hear that. #mindfulmft __________ Few spots left for the February 15th couples one day workshop. Grab your spot!! Link in bio.